Put yourself out there and don't be afraid to fail

I’m not sleeping as much as I need to at the moment and I now know that’s a sign things are bubbling up in me that I need to write down and eventually share. A middle of the night splurge of my thoughts was always imminent and now feels like the time to share.

This brain fart of mine spreads broadly, and is stinky and uncomfortable; including topics ranging from vulnerability to neuroplasticity. Things that I didn’t even know I knew and certainly didn’t (and still don’t) really understand at all. These subjects I talk about have been trickling out in my life for the last few years through my exposure to vulnerable, scary situations. I’ve never quite known why I do some of the things I do, why I put my self out there is such an exposing way- I’ve always just followed my heart and my gut. Yes this is scary, stressful and leaves me vulnerable to judgement, discomfort and potential failure…. BUT it also opens doors for unity, learning and fundamentally true happiness.

I first listened to Brene Brown’s Ted X Talk on Vulnerability a while back and it really resonated with me but last weekend (whilst driving to Font on a compete whim) I found a podcast of her talking to Oprah Winfrey and had even more profound ‘Ah Hah!’ moments. This next level of resonance was because it came at a time I was ready and needed to hear it. 

Firstly why was I driving to Font on a whim? Well bottom line- you only live once and “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” (Elbert Hubbard).
Things change all the time and what you do with that change is what defines how it influences your life. A swift change in my weekend due to a cancellation meant I was left with a very rare two days off in a row so Hannah and I decided to escape the rain and find summer again in Font, even if just for a day. We were not disappointed. 
For various reasons that I won’t bore with you with, I started driving to Font feeling sick to the stomach with stress, worry and uncertainty BUT I drove home a day later feeling alive and ready to fight again!

“The last freedom we have is to chose the meaning of our circumstance” 

This is one of my favourite quotes of all time and I’ve probably shared it in previous ramblings but it’s a game changer for me and worth saying again. I can choose the meaning of my circumstances- I can’t choose how I feel or my gut reaction but I can choose to not act on my angry- I can choose not to act with hate towards someone- I can choose to act with empathy and kindness. It’s not easy and yes it’s scary because it’s vulnerable to let down your guard but I believe it’s the only way to truly be happy. 

I’ve not really experienced many negatives yet but I know being a business person (especially a business woman) is scary- it’s exposing and there is fear of the unknown, people’s judgement, others in your industry watching, waiting for you to fail. But I know those people are very few and far between and ultimately any one with negative feelings towards my endeavours are just reflecting their own experiences and insecurities- it’s actually nothing to do with me. So I keep pushing forward, keep putting myself out there and accept that to live the full, exciting life I want to live I’m going to get some scars on the way… but hey why the hell not! 

Lastly a word to those also putting themselves out there and feeling like they are banging their heads against a brick wall, getting nowhere and fighting through resistance and self doubt… it’s going to be ok. The haters are going to hate but they are just afraid and reflecting their own insecurities on you. Its hard to not feel resentment back but I don’t think that makes those ‘haters’ bad people they are just struggling too.
Everyone is different, no one is perfect but we all have feelings and we are just doing our best to survive and protect the people we love. 
I find it hard to believe anyone is inherently bad or deep down wants to hurt others (maybe some are dangerous and they need to be in prison to protect others) but are we not just a product of what we have been exposed to in our lives? How we perceive the world and any given experience is based on our prior knowledge and experience. If we can see the world through each other’s eyes or at least try to be empathetic to each other’s feelings it’s allot easier to be kind and patient. Because fundamentally we only bring hurt and anger on ourselves if we chose to respond and act with hurt and anger. If we chose to be kind, loving, grateful and empathetic those positive feelings will eventually fill our lives. 

I’m am not saying by any stretch of the imagination I have nailed this because I am far far from it. But the more I think about it and the more I share it the stronger it becomes. Yes sharing this is scary and I am opening up to the world for criticism; there will be people with far greater knowledge than my ‘brain fart’ on this subject that might snigger at me or think I’m naive but I don’t care- this helps me and sharing it might just help someone else too.

If you got here, thank you for reading till the end. Like I used to, this time I am not going to apologise for rambling on for so long because I’m not sorry 😊

2 thoughts on “Vulnerability

  1. Such an iteresting to read! It’s great that you are brave enough to share your thoughts and feelings with everyone! 🙂
    I was listening to a TEDx Talk the other day by Mel Robbins “how to stop screwing yourself over” it’s only 21mins but it’s really interesting to listen to if you get the chance! Xx

    1. Hi Alice, Thank you so much for your comment, I’ve just found it on my website and am listening to your recommendation now- she’s amazing!
      I’m going to message you privately because I don’t even know where to start with how sorry I am to hear the sad news. Sending so much love and hugs to you all xxx

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